I have no idea what's wrong with me.
I need some prayer and advice. This year has sucked. I started the year SO full of faith and so excited for what this year would bring, but literally nothing has gone right.
In January I applied to be a camp counselor at this amazing Christian camp. I got 2 interviews and then was rejected.
Then I drug my feet and didnt get into college on time, so I had to wait a whole semester.
Then after applying to dozens of places, I finally got a job, but it turned out to be a very toxic place with horrible management.
Then I drug my feet AGAIN and missed college deadlines for fall semester as well.
2 months later I had what I thought was an amazing opportunity to go work at a BEAUTIFUL lodge for a seasonal position, which is something I've wanted to do for years. I took the job (without praying about it at all), quit the toxic job, and my brothers drove me over a thousand miles away to this seasonal job. I got there and it was a horrible situation too. So then I came home. I wasted a ton of my families time and money going up there to that job and I felt like garbage about it.
2 days after I got back, my grandmother fell and broke her hip, and I was the only one not in school and didnt have a job, so taking care of her fell on me. I have absolutely no problem helping my family out, I would do anything for them, but I feel so isolated now. I had to move in with my grandparents 45 minutes away from my immediate family and all I do is sit at their house and take care of her. I've been here a month now, and I just feel so crappy and unmotivated.
I dont pray anymore, I dont read the bible, and I just have absolutely no motivation to do anything, while simultaneously having anxiety about how I'm not doing anything. I dont know what's wrong with me, or where my faith went, or how to get it back. I'm 19, I know I'm not supposed to have it all figured out, but I cant seem to pull myself out of this stupid pity party.