I promised myself I wouldn't test early

I am a freak when it comes to testing early. After having a miscarriage at 7 weeks in June and a chemical in August I promised myself I wouldn't test early this cycle. Even if I did end up with a positive I would want to wait until it was dark so I wouldn't worry about a faint line meaning chemical again. Today I am 12 dpo and ended up testing which ended up being a bfn. When will I learn?! I am guessing I am out this month as I feel like my period is coming. I just want my rainbow baby😪.