I was going to stay anonymous because I was so embarrassed, but honestly I’m proud of who I am. Thank you to everyone who was kind and reminded me to love myself. Thank you to everyone who told me I was beautiful. Thank you to the people who reminded me of my unhealthy perspective on beauty and social media. Here’s what I learned.

Ironically, the biggest lesson came from the bitch who judged my baby’s looks when I wasn’t even asking about him. She said I was ugly but my baby was not. Even though she “complimented” my baby (🙄), I was so angry. I thought “how dare this random stranger even think about judging the way my son looks!” It disgusted me. And that’s when I realized how silly the whole thing was. If I have that perspective on people judging my son, why don’t I respect myself enough to have that perspective? Oddly enough, her bluntness in regards to my looks didn’t even phase me, I was so protective of my son. But I SHOULD be just as supportive of MYSELF when I feel that someone is making unsolicited judgements about me based on my appearance! They don’t know the person underneath. They don’t know that I love art and I sing and play guitar. They don’t know that I enjoy cooking and doing kind things for people. They have no idea that I shower my husband with gifts on his birthday because for all the time leading up to it I can’t stop buying him things I think he’ll love. They haven’t seen me set aside my guilt and shame and work through the emotions and trauma of being sexually abused as a child. They have no idea that I battled crippling peripartum anxiety and postpartum depression. The ONLY thing they see is a body through the lens of their own twisted perspective on what beauty is. My God made me PERFECTLY. He made you perfectly. We deserve love and praise because we are made in his image, and HE is worthy to be praised.

If you responded to my poll with kindness, thank you.

P.S. my husband and son think I’m pretty great. ;)

UPDATE: I DEACTIVATED INSTAGRAM! Honestly I feel so good about my decision. In the past I’ve really struggled with taking a break from social media but I’ve barely been tempted to check it. It’s so nice to not be caught up in comparing my very messy very real life to other people’s “perfect” ones. I miss sharing my son’s cuteness but that’s about it. 💁🏼‍♀️ I feel so refreshed and I’ve had more time to pursue hobbies and get outside and it’s making me feel so good about myself!