Just need to vent

Yesterday was my 34th birthday and it was the hardest birthday that I’ve ever had. I realized that I have been attempting to have a baby for almost 5 years (Dec 2018 makes 5). I was not diagnosed with any issues until July 2017. I was told that I don’t ovulate regularly. I’ve started taking clomid and omg am I sensitive to that! Aka for hormonal,LOL. I’ve watched so many people get pregnant so easily for the last few years. One of my really good friends has had a baby almost every year since I’ve been trying and she’s not even actively trying!!!! I’ve been waking up every morning at 5am to take my temperature since Nov 2017 and it’s like “REALLY!” Well my best friend role

me that she was pregnant this week (I knew before she even told me)! Crazy, right? I fought really hard to tell her congrats without crying while she told me her amazing news. She gave me this news when we were at the 1.5mi mark of our 4mi walk. For the remainder of our walk I held a smile although I was breaking down (very hard) on the inside and I felt as if I could not breathe! Then I felt so selfish for being so happy that She was pregnant within her 1st month of trying but ultimately sad for me. I’ve not been able to shake this feeling all week. Which is stupid!!! I hate this!!

While I was blessed to see another birthday it was hard and I do not wish to have another birthday with these type of feelings again.