While I was getting out of the car a few minutes ago, I hit me like a giant bag of dicks. It’s amazing the realizations you have when you’re all alone. I’ve been forcing it. I have been doing whatever I can to get pregnant faster. My mindset has been “I need to get pregnant yesterday” for 14 freaking months! So, every month when it doesn’t happen, subconsciously I get upset with him for not wanting to have sex enough or whatever, which is not right. What if my mindset determines the type of person I create? I’m really starting to think it’s true, so I’m going to be more light than dark. We’re going to bring the most beautiful being, baby Gaia, into this world whenever the time is right and I’m going to do my best to chill the fuck out. So, I’m starting by relaxing at the beach. Love you guys.

In my next post I’ll tell you about the time I saw and felt myself die during childbirth. Aka the weirdest experience of my life.