I quit posting on here for awhile and stopped reading everyone’s happy stories because it just filled me with anger and jealousy. Since we lost our first baby in May it’s not been easy, going through the motions everyday gets harder and harder. It’s been going on five months since we lost the baby and we can’t seem to get pregnant again (I know some of you are probably thinking who cares since you’ve been waiting even longer). I can’t help but wonder what we’re doing wrong, why can’t I just have the one damn thing I want the most? Why did it get taken away from me so quick? This sounds so selfish but I can’t be happy when I see a pregnant woman I just fill with rage instantly even though I don’t know her story. The pain is raw and it lingers on every single day never getting any easier. Today I looked out of the back door and this was here, so close yet I know my rainbow baby is so far away if I ever even get one. I get silly thinking maybe this is a sign since tomorrow is ovulation day, but I know I’ll get yet another negative test. My hearts broken and I just want to give up already.