I’ve been replaced
So here’s the thing. I need to rant. I’m fully aware that how I am feeling is absurd, so I don’t need anyone pointing that out. I know it girl.
My sister in-law is my best friend. For almost two years now we day dreamt about becoming pregnant around the same time. We were planning for a full year before we each started trying. We talked about how these cousins would be best of friends. We thought about what they would wear on Halloween and Christmas morning together. And how our mother in-law would be over the moon to have her first two grand babies this holiday season.
Well, she got pregnant. And I didn’t. Throughout her pregnancy I was right there with her and truly excited for my new little niece. I had moments where I’d cry alone that I still hadn’t gotten my BFP, but I still enjoyed the journey with her.
Now here we are. She has a six month beautiful baby. And I’m still not pregnant.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for her.
But then she got this new mom friend. Literally a girl who she reconnected with after 10 years of being apart. What’s their new found commonality? Their babies!!
They are both stay at home moms and are mommying it up every day. Literally! I get pictures all week of my niece and her friends baby together. At target, at the park, at their first time swimming, or in matching outfits. I am told stories constantly of her friends daughter being this or that.
It breaks my heart because that was supposed to her and I.
I know that’s dumb. She’s allowed to have mom friends. And that’s great. But if I’m being honest it still hurts. I’ve been hurting for 11mons TTC And a whole two years before that planning for this (a lot of help that did!🙄) and here I am, watching my best friend live the life I want so badly. Say it’s a jealous, sure. It’s just hard being constantly reminded by my body every day that it’s not working while watching someone so close to me have what I want.
I’m writing this here because I know I can never tell her this. Because this is all me and she’s not doing anything wrong. It’s just me at month 11 and how I feel going through this journey of trying to have a family.