I had so many ideas for how my first birth would go. I had this really, almost glamorous, picture in my head of my baby laying across my chest after hours of pushing and being able to look at her and my husband and feel an entire new world of delayed gratification and love. The day has finally come that I can feel that kind of thankfulness and love, but it is now 6 days after my delivery.

I went to the hospital on 10/6 at 36w5d with contractions 6 minutes apart, which had been happening for about an hour. Of course when I got to the hospital, they stopped altogether. L&D decided to admit me, though, due to high blood pressure. I was induced and given magnesium to avoid seizure and stroke. I labored without much change for 24 hours, during which time I was given Pitocen and a vaginal suppository to help my cervix dilate. After a full day, I was recommended to insert a foley bulb. At this point, I was informed that I have severe Pre Eclampsia and the longer I try to labor while on magnesium the more dangerous my labor may be, and that it's possible I will need a C section anyways. I decided to take the C section.

Taking the C section turned out to be the right decision - due to the position of her head on my cervix I would not have been able to give birth naturally. Fast forward, I get the surgery and my baby girl, Vera Mae, was brought into this world at 8:55 pm on 10/4/18 at 6 lb 6 oz and 20 inches. She had no complications, despite being a couple of weeks early and not having had a vaginal birth. She latched without issue and breastfed for 45 minutes after birth. It was a truly beautiful experience that I will hold dear for a lifetime.

Around 2 hours after my delivery I began hemorrhaging. I was taken to surgery a 2nd time after some attempts had been made to help my uterus contract back down. After 3 more hours on the operating table, my uterus and Fallopian tubes were removed.

Fast forward again about 12 hours and my blood pressure is crashing, I am having severe abdominal pain and was literally on the verge of dying. I was taken in a 3rd time for emergency surgery, during which the doctors found an artery which had not been closed during my hysterectomy. I required 20 units of blood transfusions, 5 units of platelets and 7 units of cryogenically frozen something or others.

It is a miracle I am alive. My breast milk has not come in yet, and it may not ever, due to the trauma my body has experienced. I am still pumping several times a day to try. But it is a miracle that I am able to feed my baby and care for her at all; that she actually has a Momma. I am so thankful for every day, and each day is a blessing to be alive. My baby has a mother, and that's more than I can ever ask for.