Im the abusive crazy girlfriend?

Question

My bf and I have been off and on for a year. We argue pretty regularly and usually it's because of something I did over a year ago. That he hangs over my head and belittles me about. Something that I always saw as some form of emotional abuse.
But I've been told by him and my friend that I'm actually the abusive one. We got into an argument a few days ago. Because I was at uni for longer than I planned and didn't have the chance to text him and tell him I would be late. Or wouldn't be able to come to a date. Which I had honestly forgot details of (like what time I had said I would meet him) he then texted me saying I'm inconsiderate. And I got annoyed that he was annoyed. Because I was only at university for 3 hours and I couldn't control what time I left. And he had complained for the last few days that I was too busy for him and he was bored while I was working at home.
That all really upset me. And when i got home at first instead of talking to me normally about it or clarifying. He was making jokes and taking the piss out of me (filming me and sending it to his mum. He knows I hate being on camera.) which annoyed and upset me more.
When he came upstairs after dinner. I sat down next to him at my desk and told him I was upset. I didn't want us to argue. I wanted to explain and talk things through. But he wouldn't look at me. He would look at his phone or be typing on the laptop. And was shrugging if everything I was saying. And smirking and laughing about it. Being upset and then not taken seriously really just made me snap so I grabbed his book off the desk and threw it. The book broke and I left the room. When I came back he still wasn't listening and this made me scream. My house mate heard that and called me the abusive one. 
At this point I really don't know. I feel like I listen to him when he is upset. Do everything I can to sort things out without a fight. But my response was only because I felt so unlistened to. I have never been like this with anyone else. Never thrown and broke someone's stuff. Never screamed at someone. Or even raised my voice. 
Am I crazy and abusive? What can I do?

Answer

I think you know you’re not the abusive one. He belittles you, makes fun of you with his mom...you deserve better. Please find someone who will love you and respect you.

Answer

In healthy relationships you don’t feel the need to throw things and yell. 
You might not be abusive in general but this relationship is toxic and the two of you need to part ways. 
My first relationship we were always arguing and yelling at one another. (I would yell because he would yell)  He’d give me the silent treatment as “punishment” to make me think I was in the wrong etc etc..... I knew the person I was in that relationship wasn’t the real me, that I’d never acted that way before. 
Now I’m married, my husband and I very rarely argue (if one of us gets irritated we walk away take some time for ourselves then talk it out) and I’ve honestly never even though of actually yelling at my husband.

Answer

You two should break up. It sounds like a toxic and unhealthy relationship.

Answer

Firstly, his behavior is disrespectful and dissmissive. I can completely understand how frustrating it is to have this directed at you when you want to talk. 
However, you are blaming your actions on him, ie; I only act this way because he dose this.
 This is simply not true. YOU are in control of your actions at all times. YOU made the CHOICE to scream at him and throw his stuff. This behavior is abuse. It is a form of intimidation and control. 
I'm sure you have been in situations before wether at work or uni where people have made you angry. But you don't blow up at them, why? Because there are consequences to those actions. If you continue with this behaviour where will it stop? Will you next throw something at him? Will you hit him? Where is the line for you that certain behavior is ok and others are not? The consequences of this behavior  can be quite sever. 
It seems to me that you are not in control of your anger. I suggest seeing a counselor so you can learn to recognise your triggers and self monitor your anger. 
It is clear from your description of events that niether of you were in a recptive state of mind to have a calm rational discussion of the issue. Counselling will help you recognise this and help with learning how to discuss issues in a non confrontational way. 
Remember that we cannot control other people we can only control how we choose to respond. Choose to make the better response.

Answer

I think you 2 should go your separate ways your relationship sounds really unhealthy. And you threw a tantrum like a little kid when you didn’t get your way and the attention you were looking for. I understand he wasn’t listening to you but that’s still no excuse for that behavior.

Answer

I really don't want to act like that. I don't want to react like that and I don't think It is right in anyway. Which is why this is effecting me to the point of trying to get help here. I don't know what to do at this point
I didn't start this relationship like this. I would never argue or yell at my exs never even felt the need to raise my voice. To begin with him getting annoyed at me would just make me cry. This has developed over the last year and I don't know how to reverse it. I have spent the last year battling with him for this relationship. He would argue with my every week calling me names and belittling every week because I slept with someone before we were officially dating. He spent the year Calling me a hoe and saying we can never be together and we will never work. Even if I did nothing wrong he would start calling me names and tormenting me with it. I couldn't put down the phone to get away from it. I had to pick up or he would call me 100 times. I couldn't ask him to stop because I don't understand the pain because no one has ever done that to me. I couldn't even walk away from the relationship without him threatening to kill himself or some sort of backlash.
After about 6 months is when I started to snap. Wasn't til 10 months til I threw the first thing. After he checked threw my phone and saw conversations from 6 months before I even knew him and decided to start calling me all sorts again without explain why. At this point in our relationship he thinks so many things about me that aren't true because I can't convince him otherwise and he uses those fake things to belittle me. To call me names. And threaten to tell me dad ect.
I know this relationship is toxic. But I don't know how to leave. It feels so repetitive. Feels so awful. And as much as I try to change things and improve them. Nothing ever seems to get better for long. Nothing ever really changes. He upsets me then explains it away as a crazy response. I just got too upset after being called a hoe for the 2000th time. I just got too upset because knowing that him being even slightly annoyed leads to me having to deal with another onslaught. I never get to be upset and I never get to be understood. But he expects instant understanding and to be excused for the torment that has come with it. I have snapped I have gone crazy and I don't know how to fix things

Answer

He’s acting like an ass, but your actions are not caused by him. YOU chose to throw the book. YOU chose to storm off. None of that is his fault. In a healthy relationship, you don’t throw things. You don’t belittle your partner. You don’t do things to purposely annoy them. Sounds like you are both toxic for each other. Time to move on and focus on your studies. Hopefully being single for a little while will help you mature a bit

Answer

I think you are not abusive but he is going to turn you into being abusive by his immaturity, silent treatment, and disrecting you by sending videos to him mom and being annoying. So he make a you really bad and you explode. I honestly think this is a toxic reletionship and you should each go your separate ways?? U hope you the best with whatever outcome happens. Good luck🍀💜💚

Answer

Your not abusive lol I throw shit when im.mad at my husband sometimes I yell too if he really annoys me

Answer

You don’t sound Abusive

Im the abusive crazy girlfriend?

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