WHY I SLOUCH

IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS 6 OR 7. I WAS PLAYING DOCTOR WITH MY NEIGHBOR (WHO WAS A GIRL)

WE WERE LOOKING AT OUR BODIES IN THE CLOSET. WE FELT SAFE, PROUD OF OUR BODIES. BUT THEN HER MOM OPENED THE DOOR AND SHE GASPED AT MY NAKED BODY AND STARTED YELLING AND TOLD ME TO LEAVE. SHE DIDN’T TELL US WHY SHE WAS MAD, SO I ASSUMED MY BODY WAS SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. I FELT SO ASHAMED FROM THAT DAY ON. ASHAMED OF MY BODY, WHAT I HAD DONE, ME…

I WENT BACK TO MY HOUSE AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED

I PLAYED DOCTOR WITH OTHER GIRLS TOO AND KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING WASN’T NORMAL. THEN I HIT PUBERTY AT 9, WAY BEFORE ANYONE ELSE, THE SHAME FROM THAT ONE EXPERIENCE CAME BACK. I FELT LIKE A SEX OBJECT. I FELT LIKE MY BODY WAS A BAD THING, THAT IT WAS UGLY AND SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. SO I STARTED SLOUCHING, SLIPPING 4 TANK TOPS UNDER MY SHIRT TO CONCEAL MY CHEST. I WOULD WEAR A SWEATER IN GYM CLASS WHEN IT WAS 95 DEGREES AND RUNNING A MILE ALL BECAUSE I WAS DEEPLY ASHAMED OF MY BODY. I COULDN’T CHANGE IN FRONT OF OTHER GIRLS BECAUSE IT REMINDED ME OF THAT EXPERIENCE. I WOULD SPEND HOURS RESEARCHING HOW TO MAKE YOUR CHEST LOOK FLAT. AND NOW FAST FORWARD 10 YEARS. IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS 2 PEOPLE HAVE COME UP TO ME GIVING ME A PEP TALK TO STAND UP STRAIGHT SAYING HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM, I’LL SPEND AN HOUR EVERY DAY TRYING TO LOOK PERFECT AND TODAY I REALIZE I SLOUCH BECAUSE OF 10 YEARS AGO. I CAME TO TERMS WITH ALL THIS TODAY AND CRIED ABOUT IT FOR THE FIRST TIME. I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST.