This is going to be more of a rant.

I'll really cry of being proud of them. Of all their achievements, and the realisation that my life will still end up in some desk job. One day I'll feel terribly useless compared to all their talents, hardworking nature and achievements. I'm going to envy the close friendship of the boys and scoff at my own reality.

One day I'll end up falling in love with one of the boys despite knowing that I cannot be with them.

One day I'll cry for the boys. Like the time yoongi said he cried after AMA out of fear. I'll cry for their past and the present fears.

I know this posts sounds stupid, but the more I listen to bts music, I feel a sense of sadness from the lyrics and my own self being good for nothing. The love yourself album asks me to love myself but i feel far from it when I realise every song was written, produced and sung by them.

The things that I am doing, I feel I am not good enough.

And the more I keep watching of bts's achievement and happy times, I feel worse about myself. I am happy for bts, I enjoy watching their fun moments, but I really am not. It hurts to realise in the end, I'll always be stuck to this corner of my room, no matter what my escape is.

Also probably all of this emotions came out from being too proud of them of meeting the president in France. Since I usually feel really proud of them, these thoughts are constantly in my mind.

I really love Bangtan.

And no, I am not going to cry. I don't cry. I am just extremely emotional. Just wanted to know if you all feel the same or its just me.