My ex raped me orally, slapped me, when I told him I didn’t wanna show him my breasts he pushed me against a wall pulled up my shirt and my bra and said he was gonna see them again. He scratched my back when I almost cried, it wasn’t good. But when he “raped” me, I’m not quoting rape because I don’t think it’s real or important, but when he forced his penis into my mouth I was crying but I never said no... did I to this to myself? I know this isn’t the right topic to put it under but I’m a teenager and it was my big teen relationship and I’m in first year college now terrified to lose my virginity because of him. Please help!