Sexually Assaulted

🚨🚨🚨 POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING🚨🚨🚨

Back in January, I was at a guys house. It was my 3rd time seeing him in person, but I had been talking to him for a few months. He started kissing me which I was like alright, I decided to give it a chance because I thought I liked him & have had bad experiences with kissing my whole life but always thought that was just my problem so I gave it a chance again. Anyways, the part that has been bothering me the most is when he started putting his hand under my shirt, I felt him on my back but didn’t really know what he was doing. He then went under my bra and started feeling up my boobs while I just laid there. He then got up and closed his bedroom door, & I started saying no over & over. I’m proud of myself for that because I never thought I had it in me to ever say no in these kind of situations (this was my first time being put in that position) but when I said no, he said “c’mon” then got on top of me & I started holding my shirt down so he wouldn’t feel me up again, he grabbed my hand & started holding it down & pinned my legs down with his weight. He tried to go under my shirt again & realized I was holding it down. He laughed & whispered in my ear that I’m “such a tease”, I haven’t been able to get the sound of that out of my head. It makes me feel so sick and dirty. After that I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me, because I thought I liked him. I’ve never had a true relationship so I thought this was something I was “supposed” to like. But now I realize I was sexually assaulted. I’m just afraid I’m never going to get to the point where I’ll be okay with doing these kinds of things with a guy. Thank you for letting me vent 💕 (I’m almost 21 btw)