Hi. So, I'm crying right now and I don't want to go to anyone I know personally. So, I'm 13, and my boyfriend is 14, we've been dating for 8 months. There's been bumps and I've cheated on him and it was a drama, but he had the option to dump me and he didn't do it. Recently, within the last month, he said that he had been having doubts about our relationship. I'm his first girlfriend and he's been panicking that he, you know, hasn't explored all his possible mates. He says what when he thinks of us hanging out in the future he wants it, but he doesn't think we'll be permanent. I understand that, we're so young, and there is definitely someone so much better for him than me that he would fall desperately in love with and he said it was the same for me. I genuinely doubt him. I don't deserve any better than him, he's already so goddamn perfect, it's like a dream, and I'm really a piece of shit. I look like a chocolate chip cookie, sure, but take a bite and I'm a fucking raisin oatmeal with molasses instead of sugar. I'm a messssss. Anyway, he, my lovely, perfect, too-good-to-be-true, dreamy boyfriend, is freaking out because he thinks that since he doesn't believe we'll be together forever that he's using me and somehow cheating me, faking it. I understand how that is, but honestly I love him so much I don't care, I just don't want him to leave... Ugh. He says he doesn't want to be together if he isnt all the way in or thinks it won't last, but he also really likes being with me and doesn't want to break up. Fml. Also have a bad habit, where if someone seems like they're drifting away or act like they don't want to be around me, I detach myself slowly so that when we eventually part for good it won't hurt as much, but I'm doing this kinda uncontrollably to him, and I'm freaking out because if I'm not as engaged in our conversations and activities it'll make him even less interested, but when I'm affectionate I feel like I'm being clingy and desperate. He really is so wonderful. He'd be a good father, he takes care of me, always asks me how I'm doing, tries to help, likes cuddling, he has a lean body but is muscular, he is logical and smart and calm, and his eyes are so fucking pretty, he's got freckles, he has a very wide range of musical tastes, he works with his hands, jokes around, likes holding my hand, loves giving me Eskimo and butterfly kisses, he's gentle, great kisser, tells me I'm beautiful, always asks me if I'm comfortable, and over thought kissing me on the cheek for months, and he smells soooo good. He is crazy perfect and I really don't want anyone else. But, I'm afraid that if I talk about his doubts too much, they'll just get worse, and I can be annoying as hell since I'm so insecure and need to be reassured about almost everything constantly. I'm also a bitch. I don't know what to do. I've been feeling extremely alone and unloved, and I'm hoping it'll go away once my period starts but currently the feeling is suffocating. I've become quite apathetic and cold towards everyone and I feel worse than I usually do and my self loathing is really eating at me. He hates the doubts and is so confused and I know he beats himself up about it and I want to help him so badly. I want to do nothing more than be a perfect girlfriend but I'm me and not fit to be a perfect girlfriend for anyone, especially not as functional people as my boyfriend. We both are just sad and confused and I'm trying to not let it get to me but I'm failing miserably. I don't know what to do. I just want to love him and for him I love me equally and ekgjskwd. I don't know what to do. Sorry, this is probably too long for anyone to actually read😅. Please help.