Overthinking: I need to talk about it

So I feel the need to really get this out. Its eating away at me and the whole situation doesn't sit well with me and makes me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable to think about.

So almost 2 years ago I was a few months pregnant and me and my boyfriend had broken up before I had even known I was pregnant. One of my guy friends from work had always had a thing for me and after me and my boyfriend had broken up we started talking and hanging out. I would go to his house and watch television and we'd talk about my ex and me being pregnant and what not. I started to like him and he was a really nice guy and supportive of me and everything that was going on.

And then one day I was at his house and we were kissing and our hands were wandering. I had my pants off and he had his off but we both still had underwear on. We were making out and he kept asking me if I wanted to have sex. I kept saying things like "no." And "I dont want to yet." We had previously talked about how I dont like to just have sex, that I prefer to be in a committed relationship before taking things that far. Just my own personal preference.

But he seemed to get carried away with the kissing and touching and the next thing I knew, he had pulled my underwear to the side and inserted himself. I honestly went completely limp. My mind began to race and I just began to cry. I remember thinking I hope that this ends soon. He kept going for a couple minutes while I laid there and cried and then I began to just bawl and gasp for air. He immediately stopped and held me and apologized. At this time I remember thinking how I so badly just wanted to run out the door and leave but I didnt have pants on and i didn't want to fumble trying to put them on and have him stop me so I just laid there, crying, shaking.

To be completely honest I don't even remember leaving that night and getting back home. The rest is such a blur.

I don't know why I'm posting this but i just really needed to let it out. I haven't talked about it in this great detail.