So I'm a bit of a mess tbh, and I just wanted to vent and get some advise.

Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years, we lived with his parents for a year and then I decided to move back home because I wasn't happy living so far and was getting frustrated being trapped in the bedroom. I feel like this was my first mistake as this took a huge step back in our relationship, from then on me and my boyfriend were very different, we stopped seeing each other as much.

I found it really difficult to adjust so for the last year I kept suggesting doing things together like regular date nights once a month, which sometimes we did... He went out with his friends and asked to see me when I was out so I went to see him, I saw this girl I hated, not because of him but because I've known her for years(she's one of those girls who ditches her friends on a night out to go get laid for drugs) so anyway she was like hanging off him and it pissed me off... I said hi then left and texted him saying I hope he had a good night with her (I know it was petty but I was drunk and pissed) anyway he wanted to have a serious talk, he said he needed space from me so he can think about wether or not he wants to be with me because he can't cope with the way I deal with things so I said fine. The days we didn't speak I felt so sick, cried all the time and was constantly scared/worried that I wasn't good enough and that there was something wrong with me, why couldn't I do anything right. Why did I have to move out, why do I over react etc... eventually when he decided he wanted to be back with me It was good for a little bit.

After this it was our 2 years and 6 months, I wanted us to have a date night because we hadn't had one in a while and he said yes... he then forgot and arranged with his mate to go to the pub, I didn't kick off or over react because I didn't want him to leave me again. I just bottled it up. We went on holiday which was a good holiday, when we got back we fell back into shitty habits again. This was my last straw, he said to me he wanted us to go on a date, he'd take me to picture drone which I was super excited for, he said that there wasn't anything good on but he'll surprise me with something else instead, I was still excited. The day came, and he'd completely forgot, and it kinda pissed me off because I was thinking I'm sick of being treated like this, I'm clearly not a priority to him anymore, I just want to be taken on dates or have him spend time with me and feel special and I hadn't for so long, so this time I told him I needed space. I thought about the last year we'd been together and how different everything is and how I've felt like this for so long and I hated that I moved out because it felt like we were moving backwards instead of forwards. I decided to speak to him after 3 days and told him how I felt, I told him that I wanted to be treated like a princess, feel special and be a priority in his life, I wanted to move forward with our lives, I didn't wanna move out with him in 4 years because that feels too long, and he said that he wasn't that kind of guy to treat me the way I wanted, so I told him he use to treat me perfectly and that's how I fell for him and what changed? He just said that we both live separate lives now and he's adapted and is happy with how we are and why I can't be happy. So I ended it because it's not fair for either of us.

I just want to feel special, feel loved and appreciated and I haven't in sooooo long. I've spent the past 3 years with this guy and just feel so shit that I can't get over him even if it hasn't felt the same in soooooo long.

Does anyone have any recommendations on helping me move on? Like I spend all my time at work to keep distracted then when I'm done I just go home and get into bed listening to old school r&b like burn😂 but i just want to be happy, get into gym again and see my friends. It sounds stupid but I keep staying at home in hope that he'll come over and make things work. It's annoying, I know it's not going to happen because he isn't that guy. I just can't do anything right 😭