5 Upvotes
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I would take him to court and tell them you don’t feel safe with her over there.
Ex Allows His Fiancé To Swear At Our Kids
I have a question for any of you ladies who has an ex who allows their new interest, girlfriend, fiancé, or wife to yell and swear at their kids. My ex’s fiancé was yelling at my daughter yesterday and she called her an asshole loud enough to be heard throughout the neighborhood. My ex didn’t even call his fiancé out on it and just let her do what she will. It’s like the man literally handed his balls over to someone he’s been with for barely a year. Hell, she already had them firmly in hand by their third month of dating. Anyway, my daughter said she couldn’t tell me too much about what happened or her dad and his fiancé would get really pissed at her for telling me. My question is, should I let the fiancé get away with calling my daughter that and should I call my ex out for allowing it? I need some suggestions on the vest way to handle this. Frankly, I’m about to lose my shit on both of the “adults” in their house.
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Okay so I’ve learned about abusive behaviors and stuff so let me tell you a couple things. 1. Your ex’s fiancé should NEVER be yelling at any child like that, let alone yours. 2. Your child told you that they would get mad if she told. THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS TELL CHILDREN TO KEEP IT A SECRET! DO NOT let this continue. This is terrible to your child and if it continues it could get worse. I would confront them, tell that woman that she needs to discipline your child the way you would if need be. If things get worse or continue, you can try to bring it to court and get exclusive rights to your kid. I’m serious - this woman is exhibiting emotionally abusive behavior and you should not stand for that.
I’d DEF being having a conversation with both of them. That is completely inappropriate, and the fact that she feels comfortable speaking to a child that is not her own that way is a huge red flag. No child deserves to be verbally abused and then told not to tell their mother about it. I’d have an in-depth conversation with your daughter assuring her that she can talk to you, and that you are ALWAYS on her side. She’ll start to feel isolated, that’s when she can start spiraling down the path of anxiety and depression. Best to nip this in the bud before it gets worse. And I’m not talking about a screaming match where you call them out (even though, I’m sure you want to rip her head off. I would want to, too). Just try to have a civil conversation where you address the issue calmly. State your feelings towards this behavior, and request that you all come to an adult conclusion. If they refuse or start a verbal altercation, that’s when I’d explore some legal options. You have to look out for your baby’s mental health and safety when there are volatile people in her life that she can’t control.
Au
*resolution (is a better word than solution) haha
Au
Ugh I hate that for your poor babies! If you’ve tried to be civil with them, the only thing I can think to do is to get a legal consultation to see what you can do to protect them. But I know getting legal advice and even court is such a financial burden sometimes. But when you think about it: there’s either going to be a solution or the legal fees are going to be worth it. I can’t imagine the feeling in your head right now!
Da
She already knows how I feel about this behavior. I’ve sat down with both my ex and his fiancé and talked to them about the way she’s takes to our kids. I thought we got it handled but apparently not. My youngest son won’t even go around them if possible. His dad was emotionally and verbally abusive to him. When it was reported he lied about it and said that none of that occurred and he proceeded to attempt to make me look crazy.
Communicate. It’s that simple. Ask the Ex what happened as it’s clearly effected your child. Don’t argue, just get the facts. Ask sensible questions and keep any negative feelings to yourself. if you see a reason to take this any further, request mediation between you and your ex to resolve this issue. A third party needs to be involved so cases like these can be documented and the child can be removed from her care if it persists.It’s so hard to keep a level head in situations like this because the mumma bear in you wants to protect your child, and you can, but do it in a way that you hold all the cards and will come out as the better parent and not the ‘Insane Ex’.In the mean time, teach your child to show respect whilst being resilient to outside influences such as name calling. It sucks because I know you really want to rip this woman’s head off, but let’s just focus on the child’s wellbeing for now. That’s what really matters and that’s the only immediate action you can take at the moment until you have further information.
Da
My daughter does stand up for herself but her dad gives her hell for “talking back and giving attitude” to his fiancé. My daughter has no problem in defending herself and others. She’s never tolerated bullying but her dad has become quite the bully over the last year. He tried to bully me the entire divorce and he he used to never be like that. His fiancé has changed him for the worse. But my daughter said she’s just holding on until June as she ships out to basic training then. Thanks for your support and advice. I know my kids aren’t angels and I really have no problem with their dad’s fiancé yelling at her. I’ve never even talked to my kids that way and I expect the same from her dad and soon-to-be stepmother.
CM
Very good idea!!!!! My ‘respect’ comment wasn’t assuming your child was in the wrong, it was just a way of saying teach them to stand up for themselves whilst showing respect. I really hope you get somewhere with the mediator 💕
Da
We’ve had a conversation like this before and apparently nothing has changed. I’m just going to go straight for a mediator. I’ve overheard how she speaks to her own kids. I don’t care what my daughter did to piss them off. I don’t mind the fact that they yelled at her. It was the fact that she called my daughter an asshole. That’s what I have an issue with.
I yell at both my stepkids, they need some act right in their lives. I don’t spank them like I do my own kids. But I will get in their heads one way or another. When it comes to the kids I don’t treat them like his and mine I treats them all like mine. But I’m a disciplined parent. That’s just me though. And my husband is the same way. Maybe our marriage is different idk.
Da
I was trying to say her dad didn’t step in. Forgive the typo, please.
Da
The yelling doesn’t bother me. It’s the fact that she swears at my kids and called my daughter an asshole and her didn’t didn’t even step in. That’s what I really have a problem with. I don’t care what the kid does but they don’t deserve to be called derogatory names like asshole. That’s where I draw the line.
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