Idk if I need advice or just looking to vent. My husband and I got married really young and really fast and have been married for 7 years. Ever since we dated it has been such a roller coaster, it has always been toxic. We have always fought, he has physically hit me, he verbally abused me, he likes to belittle me to feed his Macho ego, he’s cheated. I have tried to make it work I try to hold back and just ignore his outbursts. He’ll have an outburst and 15 minutes later he’ll try to act like if nothing happened. I’ve had issues with his family, it’s gotten to the point where he has told me that he can find another wife, but he only has one mother and that if I don’t like it I can leave. We have a two year old, and since I gave birth I gave up my career to become a stay at home mom. During arguments about finances he’s told me it’s his money and he can do as he pleases. It’s gotten to the point in which I know I’m not happy. I love him, I feel I will always love him no matter what but I just can’t live like this anymore. I was going to wait till my son went to school so I can go to work and pay for divorce, but I don’t think I can put up with this two more years. My fear of filing for divorce is that while I file, that he will take my son. My son is not used to being with him, my husband works out of town and is only here on weekends. He’s told me that he knows I’m a good mother even though I suck as a wife. But I still fear that in one of his rages he’ll take my son and there’s nothing I can do till we go to court. I have looked into emergency custody when I file but I don’t have any hard evidence that I think will help a judge grant me emergency custody.

I’ve already expressed I’m not happy, but idk how he will react once I tell him I actually want a divorce if he will accept it or if he will make it difficult. Which is why if he makes it difficult I want to ensure that I have custody until we work out the visitation. I will not ever deny him seeing his soon, but I just want to ensure that he is returned to me.