What would you do?

Question

Sorry this is a long read, I didn't go into much detail to keep it as short as possible. So my MIL hasn't been around since her and my husband got in a fight 2 months ago. They've since made up but she still hasn't bothered to visit. During their fight she talked shit about my family and me. (Not the first time she has talked about me or disrespected me.) That was the end game for me though. You can disrespect me but don't disrespect my family when all they've done is love, support and welcome my husband as if he was always part of the family. We've been married for 3 years, it's been non stop disrespect from her and her mother. I always bit my tongue until last year when they tried undermining my parenting. However, I showed face until she talked about my family. Well since then she has missed our son's 2nd birthday and the birth/visiting our daughter. Baby girl will be 4 weeks next week and she's never even called/texted to ask to visit. So my problem is baptism. We're having it the first weekend in December. It's at my parents house and originally we were going to ask BIL to be God Father. (The reception is going to be at my parents because we couldn't fit everyone at my house.) I don't want MIL thinking she can talk shit about my family and be welcomed in their home 3 months later. My BIL hasn't bothered to text or call either about new baby. So what would you all do? How would you handle this? I feel like if I just sweep this under the rug then I'm letting my family down. I hate to put my husband in the middle as well. Help please and thank you.
P.S. We don't go to her house because it is filthy, too many animals that are not flea treated, computer wires everywhere because my younger sibling in laws are homeschooled. The family room has floor boards that aren't attached properly so they move under your feet, so my husband and I don't find it to be a good place for our kids.

Answer

Considering all you said here I would exclude them. This day is about your baby, and your family. I’d imagine they’d make a fuss, try to exert control over the location and make it about themselves.

Answer

have you thought about talking to her one on one ? not sure that would change anything but maybe having a face to face conversation 
might help put both of you on the same page. 
i would tell her, look, you don’t have to like me, but i’m married to your son so we’re gonna have to be cordial. plain and simple. also, you don’t have to like my family but i’m asking for you to respect them when in their home. if you can’t do that then it would be best if you didn’t come. i know this is easier said than done but you need to stand up for your family.. especially if they’ve welcomed your husband with open arms. 
i’m pregnant with our first and my husbands mom doesn’t acknowledge either of us - they had a falling out over 5 years ago. me, she ignores simply cause i’m married to my husband. she’s always at family parties and has these big opinions of me but doesn’t talk to me. so i’m curious about how this is gonna play out when our little one is born.

Answer

Yeah for peace of mind I would just let this go. Because you can only talk to someone for so much to realize that they will never change. I was going to suggest talking to her and come to an amicable compromise. But from what I read, from the back talking, and safety issues of your MIL house, etc.. I would just go ahead and have the Baptism without them. My fear is that if you do invite her,  she’s going to stir the pot on a  happy milestone occasion. And who would want to be around all that negativity especially since it involves a innocent baby.  
   I’m sorry, I wished that I had more to offer, but she’s going to make this about her self and ruin the event.

Answer

Girl this sounds like I could've written it. My MIL is toxic. My husband's family has given him some severe emotional issues that he's dealing with because of the toxic way they all are. My family welcomed him and loves him. My MIL refused to see our daughter or acknowledge my pregnancy because my family is involved in our lives. There are many reasons this has been coming, that's the last straw. We cut her out on Wednesday and plan to never see her again. 
With your situation, I would just not invite them. This day is for your little family to celebrate, and if his family isn't interested in acting like a family, there's no reason for you to deal with them. Celebrate your sweet baby!
My daughter is being baptized on Nov 18. Husband's family doesn't even know.

What would you do?

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