I'm on day 97 at the NICU... I just wanna go home. I live 2 1/2 hours from the hospital where my son is but I'm staying in a Ronald McDonald House to be with him. I'm here alone except for going to the hospital to be with my son. I miss my husband that works 12 hours and only calls a few short times a day. I miss my dog... I miss being able to grocery shop, or go to the library. I miss sitting on my front porch and drinking coffee after making breakfast for me and my dog in the morning, looking at the beautiful flowers he grows for me and sometimes calling his dad just to see how they are at 7am after he leaves for work. I know my life will be different when Hunter comes home but right now, I just miss home..... He's so close but every day feels like another day added to forever. He just has to take his full feed from bottles... He's down to the highest level he can go home on with oxygen cannulas. That was the last step before this. He's been bottle feeding for 5 weeks and we've been waiting on him to do what he has to with it for 3 of them. He's not taking but half or slightly more and it seems like every time he gets close to taking a full bottle or starts to take a couple, he gains weight and has to take more and falls on his face. Going back to only taking 10-30 of the 55 he's now supposed to. I'm not mad because I'm understanding, he's had a rough start, he didn't get his first bottle until 2 months old because he was on CPAP for so long and they wanna make sure he can do it perfectly so he doesn't fail to thrive at home.

My little boy was due October 18th. He was born July 22nd. He's now 3 months old from birth, and 41+3 weeks gestational age. Full term plus some. He's considered an 'older baby' in the NICU now. Once he is taking full feedings, he's not home bound yet. He has to be doing that for 2-3 days then they'll try him off the oxygen. Either way that goes, he'll be there 3-7 more days. If he passes, he has to continue to eat normal and keep his stats up without it for 3+ days. If he fails or starts taking less at feedings while off, he goes home on oxygen. Going home on oxygen means, I have to go to a local home health care in my town, 2 1/2 hours away, and order tanks and equipment, wait on it, take it to his hospital to be approved and verified I have it. They have to order what he will leave there with through their suppliers. Then he can go home once I stay a night and take a class on operating the equipment. So, even after the feeding goal is met we still have another week or so in there dealing with technical things for him going home.

I'm so tired of being here. I wanna go home. I wanna sleep in my bed with my husband. With my son in his bassinet and my dog next to the bed. I wanna change his diaper when he needs it, not on a schedule. I wanna bathe him without having to ask if today is okay. I wanna hold him without a bunch of people talking, other babies alarms going off, and crying around me. I don't wanna be watched by everyone when I'm giving him his bath or feeding him because he coughs or gags and I did nothing to make him do it.

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!!