I didn’t expect the hurt

All my friends have either already had babies or on number 2 to 3. I was okay with those. Mainly because I wasn’t trying yet. But recently my husband and I started TTC. This morning I didn’t get my BFP even though I’m 8 days late. First thing I see on Facebook right after I logged my negative test.... my closest cousin announced her pregnancy by posting her first ultrasound... 8wk4d.... and it made me cry. I want to be happy for her but I can’t. Then I felt guilty I wasn’t happy and I cried more. My husband doesn’t seem to understand why I’m upset and I can’t seem to explain it. But if I hear “It’ll all be okay.” One more time I’m gunna throw something at his stupid optimistic head.