My husband is an alcoholic. I’ve learned through Al-Anon to hate the sin and not the sinner, but it’s really hard sometimes.

Some weeks he’s sober. He’s apologetic. He tells me he needs to change. Etc. This week he’s off on another bender. No acknowledgment of what he’s doing to our family. Never abusive. Just not around. Always at a bar by himself. I’ve been on this roller coaster for years. But I love him and believe that through commitment and dedication, he’ll eventually overcome this disease.

He has three young kids from a previous marriage that I have a great relationship with. They love our little unit and so do we. We get them on weekends and some holidays. Halloween is one of them.

There’s a part of me that wants to pass on joining them for trick or treating this year. I find it unfair that he wants me to be this wife and mother-figure when the kids are around but when we don’t have them I’m all alone. I’m not his on-demand partner!

Should I skip Halloween? It’ll definitely punish him for his actions, but will also hurt the kids that I’m not there. I’m struggling to find other ways to make him understand the severity of his drinking. Telling him I’m upset doesn’t work with an alcoholic.