Back in 2013 I met my “husband” we have been separated since about July of this year so it’s been a few months we have not lived together.

Let me start from the beginning.

Back in 2013 I lived with a friend And we had met a group of friends and we got invited somewhere which is where I met my husband he had just separated with his ex about two months prior to when we met.

When I met him he was a single father to a little girl (Isabelle) was only a few months old. Obviously I thought that was amazing he was very attractive and we clicked right away. we move extremely fast we got married a year later and got pregnant two months after we met we had a very amazing relationship at first.

A few months into the relationship, one day, he was giving me a massage and kept knodding off and would fall asleep into my back putting all his weight on top of me. My dumbass, thought he was just tired so I blew it off but as the weeks went on I started to notice he would fall asleep holding his daughter, cooking pretty much doing any day-to-day activity I would find him asleep outside and I talk to our roommate that he lived with and she basically told me that he does methadone. I was already pregnant and I was completely blind and I should have left but I was already attached his daughter, and the mother wasn’t involved. But now let’s get into the biological mother.

She left him, she met someone else who I guess was there neighbor and she cheated on him and started a new relationship with this man. When she left she did not take their daughter (Isabelle) but took all her belongings. Which mother wouldn’t take their daughter right?Something I will personally never understand but only because of the way she did it. She claimed to want her daughter but she rarely ever called and she was very inconsistent so my husband always said no and that he believes she needed to take him to court. But she never did. Years went by, without hearing from her, I was raising her pretty much by myself along with my older daughter (by my ex)while pregnant. So I had 2 kids, a drug addict husband I didn’t want to leave because I didn’t wanna loose his daughter, and I was pregnant. It was tough.

I was very young when we met like maybe 20 and I am 26 almost 27 now I’m obviously a lot wiser.

I had contacted the mother back in 2015 and I asked her if she would sign over her parental rights to me and she agreed, she had asked me if I would let her see her but she would give me all the legal rights so I said yes we are friends on social media and I’m very friendly with her she has two kids of her own that she takes care of I try not to judge her or her decision all that matters to me now is that I have this little girl. She is now 6 years old and in first grade. As soon as that adoption was finalized in 2016 is when my husband and I got really bad he did not want his daughter he wanted to give her up to somebody else because he claimed to resent her because he hated her mother and she looked just like her.

The drug abuse got worse.

And he put us thru hell. Now today in 2018 we have a total of 4 kids and I have finally freed myself.

Now here is where I would really use some kind words and support, even though he was a drug addict who promised to change and continuously never did, we kept trying and we have all been through a lot of emotional abuse he never did anything physically but he was very mentally abusive and I have finally got full custody of all the kids, adoption is completely done I am even on her birth certificate, and he’s out of my house but for some reason I feel guilt every single day like as if I did something wrong, sometimes I feel like I was suppose to keep trying? I’m not really sure. The kids all seem happier, but I’m not as happy as I thought I’d be for finally being free.

What can I do to help myself during this time?