I keep putting off going to the doctor. I'm too scared to find out the truth.
My biggest fear has always been that I won't be able to have kids of my own. I never had a reason to think it wouldn't happen, but it was always in the back of my mind.
My husband and I have been TTC for over 2 years. After TTC for about 6 months, I got pregnant, but miscarried shortly after. Although heartbroken, I felt a sense of relief because that meant I could get pregnant, so that fear faded a little.
After TTC for about a year-year and a half, that fear started creeping back. I started thinking about before we were TTC. We used the pull out method for 4.5 years and never once got pregnant, even though there were some slip ups. I had a feeling that there must be something "wrong" with one of us. Now, over the past few months, I have had this strong feeling that it's me. I started to think back to my boyfriend before my husband. We had sex frequently and were not careful. I never got pregnant by him. Shortly after we broke up, he started dating someone else and she was pregnant right away. Over the past 6-7 years, he has had 5 kids between 2 women. Clearly, he is very fertile. It makes me wonder why he never got me pregnant.
I haven't brought this up to my husband because I don't want to bring up my past relationship. I know this is a toxic way of thinking and I need to just go see the doctor, but I can't help it and I'm scared.