* Trigger warning *

Cleaning out my bathroom and organizing my drawers and this is what I found, what was tucked away in the back because I didn’t want to see it all the time but couldn’t throw anything away either

We got pregnant on our first try. I almost felt unworthy because of how fast it happened and I knew people tried for much longer. Well, I regret feeling undeserving for even a second. Our baby stopped growing at 10 weeks and we miscarried at 11 weeks with the pills in April of this year (which led to a d&c). I deserved that baby. I deserved to be a mama.

I miss him or her so much. I should’ve had a newborn to spoil and <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">nurture</a> right now but, this is all I have left 😞 just had to show someone. He or she was real, he or she existed, he or she was so loved and he or she is so missed.

What made me write this is, my digital tests don’t read pregnant anymore 😞 they did last month and I was so surprised they lasted so many months but I guess the battery finally died on both. It’s a twisted reminder of how long it’s been already.

So for now, I will sit down on my bathroom floor for a couple minutes and play his or her heartbeat (the plastic heart is a recording) and just remember the sweet short time we had and hope that there is a heaven where we can meet again.

(In my TWW of month 6)