I realised I was raped by my ex

Years ago I was dating my first boyfriend he was 21 I was newly 18. I was deeply inlove with him and everything was amazing for the first 6 months but that's where it started going down hill. I was taking a picture of us on his phone and a text popped up it was a picture from a girl and I open it and it's a lingerie photo and I show it to him and I'm like what the fuck? Who is this? And he didn't answer for like too minutes and just stared at me and he lied and said it was one of his friend Rob playing a prank. So I didn't tell him I took down the number in my head and texted her the next day and she said she had been dating him for a year I confront him about it and me stupidly being newly 18 when he said she was lying I believed him. A few months ago bye were in his room I'm not feeling well but he said he wanted to take care of me. Then we were

Watching a movie and he decided he was horny so he got on top of me and started kissing me so I was kissing him back then he got off me grabbed me by the hair and forced me down on him then after like 10 mins of that he throws me on my back and without any touching down there forces himself inside me. I cried for a few days and didn't talk to him after he dropped me off then he texted me saying he didn't know what got into him and he was sorry and wanted to take me to the movies to make up for it so I went along with it then it was a few months later I noticed he was starting to act really different and I walked into him and his friend Rob snorting something it was either pills or cociane I never found out. I got mad and called my dad to bring me home. I told my dad we just had a fight. A week later we had already paid for tickets to anime Boston so I went with him in the hotel we ended up doing stuff and got back together . a month later it was my birthday and I was sitting next to him when I got a call my brother was in the hospital and I asked him if he could bring me there but he said it's my birthday I should be having fun and I told him ok but I want to leave by 8 it was like 5 at the time so he got pissy because I was suppose to spend the night and I get up to use the bathroom and when I get out he started chasing me with a knife and forcing me down to the couch and beating me with a ruler and then forces himself inside me. I was broken, shaking didnt say a word to anyone about it and pretended I was fine. I know there's nothing I can do about it. I was molested by my grandfather growing up and same with my father and the police never did nothing about it. I know it's way too late to go to the police about this but It feeling realising to type this all out. To all you lady's and men out there that have been through the same trauma I have please report while they were happening I wish I did and know your strong and I'm here for you.