Why can’t I be enough for him

I been with him for a year and half we were just about to get apartment together and i was gonna pay off his bad rental debt he had with his ex which is 2,000 and i feel so stupid. he never cheated he treated me so good at times but tonight we got in a big fight and he raised his hand to me and squeezed my arm and called me many names he called me in the past like dumb bitch no good etc... i have very low self esteem so it’s hard to go. i just lost my dad not even a year ago he passed of a stroke and my mom is just suicidal since he passed... I have no one but this app. I blocked his number left his house crying he was begging me to go calling me garbage because I have trust issues and didn’t believe him on something. I guess God is punishing me.