I'm posting anonymously I guess because I'm embarrassed.

I'm a mother of a son who will be 4 on Sunday. Me and his dad have been TRYING to get pregnant for about 4 months and then BOOM. There was that positive pregnancy test for baby #2.

We waited to tell the news after our first appointment and for the most part everyone is extremely happy for us. Except for my dad. Back story: when I was preggo with my first my dad wanted me to abort then after I made it clear that I am not okay with that, he and my step mom pushed on adoption. I was 17 when I got pregnant and 18 when I had him, I understand that I was young and they just wanted me to stay on the road they have been paving for me but this was MY decision. Anyhow fast forward 4 years later I'm still with the same man, living in our own place for just as long as our child has been alive, doing what we are supposed to do. Provide.

So my son spills the beans to my dad and step. "theres a baby in mommys belly" we were sitting at dinner in a restaurant and let me tell you. They damn near spit their food out and CHANGED THE SUBJECT. So after dinner as we are going to our cars I hug my dad and say "I hope u dont hate me for being pregnant". You know what my Father says to his ONLY daughter. "Right now I'm trying not to believe its true but if it is. You are a dumbass." 😡 fucking OUCH.

So heres why I made this post... i am 10 weeks pregnant now and I still dont feel over joyed. Like I see people saying "mommy and daddy love you already" and I'm feeling like a POS cus it doesnt seem real to me. I had morning sickness and the sore breasts (which thank God has subsided for now) so its not like I just dont feel pregnant cus I guess in a way I do because of the symptoms but that's it. I think I feel this way cus my dads opinion means so much to me. I just dont understand why I can't ever have support. Why must the two most happiest times in my life be ruined by negativity. I want to be over the moon. My man and son are loving on me constantly and talking about the baby but I start to feel scared that there isnt even a healthy baby in my belly anymore.

Those thoughts of losing the baby began when my nausea and sore breasts started to regress as those were my only symptoms. Tell me I'm not completely alone here. I know I kinda ranted in all directions tonight so hit me with any questions if I left something out. I feel like a complete mess right now.