Today was the first day we BDed specifically trying to conceive. I'm super excited to try and have my own little jelly bean but I'm sad too. Tomorrow marks one year since my grandpa passed away. Out of all my grandparents (I had seven, including him because they all got divorced and remarried except him. I mean he got divorced but didn't remarry) he has always been my supporter in everything. When I would write stories as a kid, he didn't think they were stupid. He was so proud of me and would show all his friends and family my stories when they visited. I would send him my drawings and he saved them and would pull them out to look at them all the time, even up until he died. He was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and passed away from pneumonia. He saw me get married, which I'm super grateful about, but he isn't going to meet my baby. And that kills me. I have the stories and memories to share with my baby, but it's not the same. He would have loved to meet them and I know he would have supported all their endeavors.

I'm sorry y'all. I just can't talk to anyone about this because no one knows we are trying for a baby yet and my mom is already depressed as it is. Thank you guys for listening to me<3