First off I would like to thank anyone for taking a interest in reading this. I would also like to say I understand everyone in relationships handle things differently and respect what ever works for you. I'm just at a point I'm not sure I hit my breaking point, or I'm just breaking down...

I have not had the best past with relationships. I have been both physically and mentally abused. To the point I had lost who I was. After the passing of my kiddos father I had given up.

I just worked and took care of what I had to. Not even thinking about a relationship. Just taking life one moment at a time. Embracing the good days and surviving the rest. I wasn't happy, but greatful for my amazing kids.

I began to indulge myself on Facebook. I really didnt have a life outside of work and home. I knew this couple that the girl would constantly cheat on her bf. Talk so bad about him and use him. She would break up with him kick him out and then take him back in a few weeks to pay bills. It made me so angry. I asked her why go back to him, and she said she loved her ex and he was just a fill in until she got him back. This made me furious ! I didnt really know him. But I had known her since high school.

One day I saw I got a friend request from him. I didn't think anything of it and accepted. ...

Months went by, we never talked just maybe a comment on a post here and there, but never anything but that! No flirting . I respect people in a relationship and HATE people who cheat.

She had messaged me saying she wanted to get out and grab a bite. I needed to get out anyway so accepted the offer. The whole night she was just on the phone with her ex-ex! She told me she loves him and has been cheating on Tony and doesn't care. I kept telling her it wasn't right. She laughed about it. And said Tony was just an insecure piece of shit. Then left me to go over her exes.

A few days had past, I couldn't take it anymore. I messaged him... asked him if we could talk..I broke down and told him everything. He said he already knew, but she always denies it. I had been in that situation and wish someone would have told me.

Months past, little pep talks here and there. They had been broken up, but I still never flirted nor did he. But our conversations I started to look forward to. Hours on the phone, face time and endless texts ....

Well... to make this a bit shorter, we just bought our first house together. The country home we drempt of ! But this isn't a fairy tail ......

I feel like he takes what his ex did out on me. He always checks my phone, ask why I'm wearing certain things, questions everything I do. What ever I get done in a day he looks for the little things I didn't do. He gets angry at me allot. He snaps and puts me down over anything in my past. But then turns around and acts like nothing's wrong and will tell me he loves me.

If I try and talk to him he lashes out and makes me feel like shit for bringing it up. Our latest fights is about sex... He thinks I want it all the time. Which now as a stay at home mom, I don't. I'm exhausted . But we were trying to have a baby... and last I checked I can't do this alone. He always tells me he is tired.. Which he does work like 60 hours a week, I get it.. But he never comes on to me. Unless I service him to get a rise, sex just isn't an option.

I thought maybe because I had put on a few pounds. So I went on a diet, and am currently down to 120, so now that I'm feeling better about myself... thought maybe he will find me attractive again... still nothing... last night he told me if it's that important to me to go buy a vibrator or find a fu#$ buddy... this morning he told me how much he loves me?!

Am I going crazy or is this not right? I know 100% well 98% he isn't cheating. I know it's not because we are trying for a baby and he doesn't want one because this started before that. He does have a testical that looks like it's bigger than the other and is allot harder. I've told him to get checked... But he is a dude and won't listen... But with the mood swings and issues... I'm just lost... I've tried talking to him. And he tells me he is sorry and will be nicer and 2 minutes later back to being a dick... any advice???