Kind of rant/getting things off my chest. Super long lol.

My husband and I are dual military, and he was recently gone for deployment.

Things got really bad between us. I was one month postpartum when he left with a severe case of PPD. I couldn’t leave the house without being anxious that the baby was going to cry because I didn’t want to be “that mom.” He also e-mailed/messaged/called every day. If I didn’t respond in minutes or couldn’t answer my phone, he got frustrated which further lead me to not leaving the house. Things got particularly bad when I went back to work and our schedules didn’t line up perfectly. He started hating that I liked my job (I’m a maintenance tech for larger weapon systems) or that my field is male-dominated, etc.

Essentially, things were bad and I began to resent him and told him I was leaving. I needed to for my self-growth if he couldn’t get with the program. I’m not like his mother. I’m not okay with giving up a career I like, I’m not okay that I am expected to give up my “race car” for a mom-mobile, I’m not okay with giving up my life completely.

We still talked everyday, but more on my terms. He stopped forcing conversations down my throat, I still didn’t leave the house much.

He came home, and the first weekend was amazing. It was a complete reconnect and we were romantic and happy, then his family left.

Queue “Did you cheat on me? Why would you cheat on me? Who is he? Which of your coworkers did you blow while I was gone?”

5 months later and I’m still hearing it.

He also strangely has more of a “females are objects” mindset now. He expects sex from me every single day and gets upset if he’s going on 48 hours without it. He’s also not romantic about how he approaches it. It’s a skip-the-foreplay, blunt method.

If we’re watching a movie, he’ll turn to me and say “so when are you gonna suck this dick?” “Ride my dick.” And he’s started moving to just rubbing his erection on me. If I’m laying on the couch, he’ll climb on top of me and just press it against my clitoral area.

On top of that, we’re now expecting another child and he just cannot believe that my estimated conception date is the weekend he came home.

He is 75% convinced the baby isn’t his. It is just so absolutely ludicrous to him that I was in my fertile period and that the pull-out method didn’t work.

I have zero attachment to this pregnancy now and I just don’t want another baby with him period. I’m out of my window to really do anything about it now though.

I’m just overall extremely miserable and I feel like I’m at a dead end and not getting what I should be out of life.

I shouldn’t have to beg my husband to support my self-growth.