Post partum depression

Has anyone had PPD if so what did it feel like? Like what was going through your mind? Every night I cry, and when the baby decides to be wide awake at night I get so stressed out and work myself up. I’m still at home with my mom so she took her for the night in her bed, but still it’s getting scary like sometimes I feel like I’m a horrible mom, sometimes I wish I wasn’t & other times I loooove it. I’m scared and don’t know if this is PPD or just me actually being a horrible mom & Just not good enough for the mom life.... someone please help me & no rude comments please..... my baby is a month old & a week.

Edit: my boyfriend also is never home because he works 7am till about 4 sometimes 6. And we don’t live together so it’s hard and I barely ever get help from him and when I do it’s not feeding her and letting me sleep only bc he gets nervous if he’s doing something wrong like burping her too hard etc. so all that stress is affecting me too. Our relationship is not the same even before the baby came. I’m just too stressed about everything