People tell me nearly every day that I don’t need a man or that my ex didn’t deserve me (he sexually abused me) but I still have feelings for him that I can’t pinpoint and I have this indescribable need for a guy in my life, am I crazy?

My ex made me feel so loved and special which was probably why it was so easy for him to take advantage of me. I don’t know if I miss him or the way he made me feel or if I need some kind of loving male figure in my life. How do I get rid of this feeling and am I the only one?

Idk if it makes a difference but my dad semi left (it’s complicated), my oldest brother went with him, my mom has told me countless times that I’m awful and worthless, and when my ex left he immediately went to the girl I “didn’t have to worry about” while telling me it was all my fault, I’m awful, I pressured him into sexual relations, and telling everyone with ears that I’m psycho