I wanna start off by saying sorry if this makes anyone uncomfortable as it’s making me feel that way typing this. How does anyone really get over molestation, sexual abuse any of that. I was 4-7 somewhere around there. The person I thought the most that loved me. My dads dad. I moved in with him and my grandma when I was 8 with my brother. Because my mom neglected us and my dad did too. Well he would baby sit me so he would have all access whenever he wanted. Nobody knows besides my mom and husband. But he used to forcibly touch me down there to where he would make my parts raw, and scratches because it was rough and hard. Then he would force me to kiss him. Shit I didn’t know what was that. Then he would take my hand and put it on his private area and make me move it. So now I’ve always hated sex, I won’t give head, or even do a hand job because that shit got ruined when I was younger I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I’ve tried therapy but how do you tell a therapist everything I just posted on here it’s easy because nobody can see who I am. It would get so uncomfortable. I would tell a therapist I was abuse but that’s it. I don’t kiss my husband, don’t have sex rarely. I think it’s because I got so comfortable with my husband it all changed. I can’t keep putting every situation I’m in with my current relationship and life around what happened but I’m depriving my husband because I can’t get up the courage to do it. I’m honestly scared of sex I guess but I do it because I don’t want my husband to leave my because of it. I’m scared to look or even touch his private area because it reminds me of what happened. I haven’t really talked to my husband about this whole thing he only knows who did it and that’s about it. I’m currently pregnant because just had a night of sex I guess on ovulation (wasn’t tracking) here I am 18 weeks pregnant. We’ve had sex 4 times since I got pregnant. I have no sex drive either. 😭 I feel horrible. I’ve never told anyone the extent of what happened and here I am for the first time telling someone. Any who’s gone through this how did you get by? How did it affect your life? How was you able to tell your spouse or partner? Should I seek therapy and talk about all this? Thanks for listening. If anyone wants to share advice that’d be great.