I have everything to live for. I have a hugely supportive boyfriend and a family that loves me and I’m doing well in therapy and I just have so many good things going for me. I’m a sophomore in high school and I’m getting letters from colleges and I do well in school.

When I was really young (like 5-6) I was repeatedly raped by my neighbor who was like 30 at the time. After that, I was raped on several different occasions by 5 other people from the time I was 7 to my 14th birthday. I’m 15 now. I have horrible depression and anxiety. I have uncontrollable PTSD from all of the rape that leads me to panic attacks that almost always make me try to hurt myself. I am recovering from both anorexia and self harm.

But I have everything so why am I so miserable? Why do I want to die? Why isn’t my life worth anything? Why can’t my boyfriend just be enough for me to want to be alive? I just don’t want to tell my therapist all this because I don’t want to be hospitalized. Again.

What should I do?