Selfish

Sometimes I feel a little selfish knowing that other people Family/Friends talking about their kids or pregnancy. When I got pregnant and had a miscarriage I didn’t tell a lot of people, I told 2 good close friends.

My friends that knew that I was pregnant were mothers themselves, once they found out that I had a miscarriage they were very supportive and sympathetic. But that wasn’t enough for me, I was depressed and mad that this had happened to me that I had to face the heartbreak of not being pregnant and not able to Carry this baby to full term.

Everywhere I looked someone was pregnant or just had a baby. Even though I told my self to stop looking at social media I still did. I wanted to be selfish and focus on myself instead of other people’s kids or pregnancies. I was upset that they can carry theirs and I couldn’t.

The hardest thing is that my mom really wants me to have a baby I’m her only girl, I have two younger brothers. The fact I didn’t open up to many people about having a miscarriage I have to keep a lot inside of me. So I have to experience the loss myself and sit their and smile when someone tells me their pregnant, even though I’m dying inside.