I hate checking my <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">glow app</a>, I used to always check it for thing in the morning. I loved getting updates on my little bean and now I can no longer do that, I deleted the app. I don’t want to sound selfish or seem unhappy for others because I’m not, but my heart aches to see everyone announcing their pregnancy. My honey works in the oilfield he’s gone 2 weeks and home 2 weeks , back in October we found out we were expecting our first baby. Only took us 2 years to conceive you’d think it would finally happen. Not only did I pray daily cried behind close doors to be able to conceive but when I did I prayed everyday multiple times a day for the health of my baby. I don’t want to be upset at God and I’m not nor do I want to question him because I know he has a plan but it’s so hard not to lose faith. I find myself hating myself so much. My honey comes home Wednesday we had planned to be announcing the arrival of baby Casillas, I was going to make shirt for our nieces to wear and do a photo shoot with us and the ultrasound but no that wasn’t God plan. November 9th I left work and rushed to the ob for them to tell me i was going to miscarried my baby.. a bullet through my heart would of done better at least I wouldn’t feel the pain. Baby Casillas would been arriving June 2019 or maybe May 2019 they say your first always comes early. Would of been great because daddy’s (my hubby) birthday is May 7. And he would of been so happy. Just days before we lost our baby we went out for dinner and he wanted to discuss baby names. In my mind I was so damn excited I had been praying to know what he feeling of being a mom felt like. I’m happy for all of you expecting I really am pray for full term and healthy baby. But please say a prayer for the angel momma because I already suffer from depression and anxiety and this miscarriage only made it worst. If I wasn’t fond of what the Bible say that God gives us our lives so he’s the only one who can take it I know I wouldn’t be here. I’m trying so hard to stay so positive and continue to go to church to help me. Lord I just pray you have a plan