When I first met my SO he was 100% a full blown alcoholic. He had a double master's degree and a great career and managed to be a functioning alcoholic for a time. He's not a 'fun' drunk, he's mean, jealous and incredibly insecure (stems from a toxic marriage and even more disturbing divorce, no doubt). Anyway, we met and he is incredibly smart and talented and kind so I quickly put his flaws aside and worked on him for months until he gave up the hard stuff (he'd drink a 3 shot martini, sometimes two, immediately upon arriving home followed by beer and wine). He's been off the hard stuff for quite a while now but the beer and wine drinking is still too much. He's okay most days which is a big improvement from before but the bad days are still pretty bad. We have 5 children between us and it's hard for me to protect them from him. He's not physically violent but he is unnecessarily harsh and very loud at times. His own boys seem to be used to it and fight right back with him but my kids are not used to this at all, even now they aren't used to it and it scares them when he raises his voice. We have one child together, an infant and I worry when he's been drinking and wants to hold the baby. I know he would never hurt him on purpose but drunk people are clumsy so I do my best to keep the attention off the baby. It's hard because he's super loud and obnoxious when he's had too much and often wakes the baby up. Anyway he is against 12 step programs due to the religious aspect of them, I've found several that are not religious but he still refuses saying he can do it on his own. He knows and admits it's a major problem that needs to be fixed but doesn't do much more than talk about quitting entirely. I've recorded his episodes and watching it the next day brings him to tears. He clearly needs detox and therapy because his reasons for drinking and his problems stem from many years ago and need to be unearthed and dealt with. He is such an amazing person sober. I can't imagine my life without him but I can't subject the kids to this or myself anymore. How can I help him? I realize that as long as I am enabling him he will never hit rock bottom but there must be some way I can get my point across firmly without further damaging our life together and our family....anyone have any experience with this? My mom thinks I should take the kids and leave for a while and demand he gets help before I come back but he has severe abandonment issues and I think he would not fully understand that the reason I left was just because of the drinking but instead think that it had to be for some other totally irrational reason and it would not have the effect that I wanted.