This is a stupid question. This is why I’m posting it here, rather than talking to my friends. It’s eye-roll worthy, but it’s really genuinely distressing me, and has been for a couple months, so here goes...

I’m a single mom. I have a masters degree, but I teach (so I’m super broke and in debt). Her dad is barely involved, so I’ve been running things 24/7 for five years. She’s almost 6. Things go well because I run a tight ship. I mean, I’m really controlling and an excellent planner.

I’ve been dating someone for a year, who is wonderful. Very kind, smart, funny, great family, no baggage, no fights, great sex, loves kids, wants kids, doctor, all the stuff. We are looking toward marriage, he wants me to help pick out the house he’s about to buy, takes me on trips, things are good.

My problem is that he makes a lot of money (compared to me) and I’m broke and I’m controlling and I’m obsessed with making things be even. I split all dating costs evenly. I don’t let him buy me dinner, even though it’s hard for me to afford. If he buys me something I can’t split, like tickets for a trip, I feel guilty. I feel like I’m taking advantage of him and I feel ashamed.

Now that we know we want to get married pretty soon, I’m having an extra hard time since he has taken steps to buy a house I know I can’t afford. I know he doesnt expect me to pay for it, but I mentally can’t let it go. I mean, what if he buys this big house for us to have more kids and I can’t get pregnant (I’m 38)? What if we do have more kids and then he leaves me? See the snowballing here??? I do talk to him about this, but he’s not concerned about how it’s uneven and he wants me to relax and be happy... 😂😬😭

Has anyone had this issue? Leaving a career to be a SAHM? Going from single mom to SAHM? Letting the paycheck to paycheck life go? I don’t plan to stop working, but I don’t understand how one person can rely heavily on the income of another person and not feel anxious.

Thanks for reading this rant :)