Was it a deliberate choice? Are you planning on getting one in years to come? Or happy with just your wedding ring?

Did you get a fancier wedding ring in place of an engagement ring?

I’m asking as we got engaged 2 years ago. I’d said to him when dating I didn’t want an engagement ring, but he insisted he’d want to. So then I got attached to the idea I suppose.

Once engaged, his plan was to choose a ring together.

Then we had a very premature baby, fiancé started his business. Life got busy & expensive. So we never ring shopped. Short on money, plus we had very limited free time, although it’s been improving the past few months. The plan became to buy the ring after the wedding, no set date but unlikely in the first 6-12 months following.

I’ve realised we need to start arranging our wedding rings, which got new to thinking about engagement rings, and I felt suddenly sad. Not angry. No ones fault. It’s just circumstances.

But I realised a few things.

-It won’t be given to mark our engagement, it won’t be bought or worn during our engagement. It means I’ve put aside feelings around enjoying the romantic sentiment of it.

I was fine with the financial practicality of delaying it, but I hadn’t considered the emotional aspect. The ring, no matter how lovely, won’t represent intention to marry.

Also, two other things:

- He’s never offered me the joy of at least browsing & trying on rings. That’s kind of a ritual I haven’t had (no cost to do it either). He’s so practical-minded it wouldn’t have occurred to him. He has no sisters or female friends to suggest it. I’m sure he’ll just figure it’s task to do when we’re in a position to buy one.

- I got to thinking about would we ever be in a position to buy a ring within 5 years? We have our modest wedding & trip to his hometown (international flight). We’ll need to replace our car in the next two years (its 2001). What about if we have a second child? Plus we plan to buy a house.

So I think I have to accept I’ll not have an engagement ring & make peace with it, and make be focus on a bit of a nicer wedding ring instead.

I’ve posted this as my sudden sadness surprised me & I’m processing. I also missed having a baby shower & we didn’t have an engagement party either because of the circumstances. It’s probably all tied together.