Hello everyone

My names ayesha and I’ve been battling anxiety and depression since more than a few months now. Since I completed my Masters about 6 months ago, I’ve been looking for a job and I’ve yet to find one. I live with my mum and she’s a teacher so it makes sense to pitch in but I am unable to which makes me feel guilty all the time. It also makes me feel useless and unwanted. In this time period other things have also happened that have made things much much worse. Such as almost all my friends just left me hanging. And I was left all alone. My parents are divorced and my father is a very inconsistent man who is never there for support and mostly not even there to listen. He is too busy making me carry out his agendas such as make peace with his new wife so that he’s relieved or just simply Dow hat he thinks is right for me. Also he just gives me constant unwanted advice and keeps saying you’re not doing enough, you’re not doing enough!! And then I think maybe he’s right and I fall into a black hole of self doubt and hopelessness. As far as my shitty friends go, one just completely ditched me in my time of need. She used to call me to her house only when she had no other options, I was her last priority. And it kept making me feel bad like I wasn’t good enough so I stopped making an effort and now we don’t talk at all. And I can’t help but feel abandoned. Other friends are barely around, either abroad to preoccupied with their lives. I barely go and hang out with friends anymore which just makes me feel even worse. Other than this my love life is also a bust and i haven’t gotten laid since ages. I really want a relationship but I’ve lost hope in that aspect too because it feels like it’ll never happen. All day I just force myself to visit LinkedIn and apply for jobs and watch Netflix. I wonder when this trial will pass. What’s keeping me sane is my kickboxing class and doing keto. That is the only sense of control I have in my life right now. It’s funny how I’m always the person who has always been there for my friends and family, always protecting them and now I have no one for support.