Stop blaming the survivor

It’s coming up on my one year anniversary of the day I raped/sexually assaulted. I’m 16 going on 17, the assault happened when I was just 15.

Overall my journey has been so incredibly difficult and exhausting. For people that have been through similar situations will most likely agree. Being assaulted/raped has life-long damaging affects on a person no matter how old they were when it happened. It’s incredibly trying to wake up and go to school everyday, and in the back of your head is always the fear, the flashbacks, and the memories of the night it happened.

Today I found myself in a particular rough spot. Since my assault, I’ve suffered with depression-anxiety disorder and PTSD. I haven’t slept well since it happened and nothing really works to get me to sleep peacefully. Flashbacks are the only dreams I have these days, and it wakes me up in the middle of the night. I repeat the cycle of going to bed exhausted and waking up even more exhausted every day.

People around me assume/ tell me I should “be over it by now,” which is so far from the truth. I find that so many of my classmates and peers are very uneducated about the subject and how damaging rape is to a person’s mental health. Even in the news it’s disregarded, many women are blamed for their own assault. And some are even shunned by their friends and families.

Being supportive is the best thing a person can do for someone that has been assaulted. And it’s saddening that a lot of the people in this world can’t seem to do that. Victim blaming is a serious issue. It absolutely is a real thing and needs to stop. I have days where I start to fall into the mindset that it’s my fault, and the people that blame me are right.

I’ve had so many that do support me; friends and family that have been there for me. But the people that blame me still don’t realize that it takes a large toll on me. I start to fall in to a black hole of “what if” questions. And how I could’ve done things differently.

Sorry for rambling, I just feel so strongly about this subject. No one should suffer in silence, and no one should be blamed for a heartless crime committed by a heartless person.

Much love to anyone who is a survivor like myself. I stand with you.

Regards, Maya

#MeToo