I'm fairly new to this app, but so far I love it. I love seeing all the encouragement, positivity, strength, and support. It made me want to share a little.
On October 4th at 40 weeks 1 day, I delivered our son still born. We were absolutely shattered, and still of course are. It's been a journey recovering and moving forward in life.
We were fortunate enough to both have the whole duration of my maternity leave together to just be and have time to heal. I've been back to work for a few weeks now and getting back to that norm has presented it's own struggles. And having all the holidays up coming was just such an amazing thing to look forward to when I was pregnant. We were so excited to have them all happening right away with our son. So, being back to work and encountering the many that didn't know I lost my son along with all the support and love has been overwhelming, but I'm thankful to have an amazing place to work.
Out of nowhere last night, I went to bed and began to dream our son was alive, then it drastically changed to the whole hospital experience. In the dream I was sobbing. My boyfriend woke me up because it turned out I was actually sobbing. I have never had this happen, and at first I was in a daze. And then I was just uncontrollably sobbing for the next 45 minutes.
My man, let me tell you. Just held me. I tried to wipe my tears off his chest because I was soaking us both. And he held me tighter and just softly said, don't even worry about that. He held me until I calmed down. We had an amazing conversation. And I finally fell back to sleep.
This man of mine never stops amazing me. He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me he loves my body; that I don't need to change a thing - not only tells me, shows me. He truly is my rock. We were very surprised by our first baby on the way, we had only been together a few months before we found out (we knew each other 10 years before we got together). We were immediately excited to bring a baby into our lives, regardless we hadn't been together very long. Since then, life has faced us with many things. But the biggest take away is the growth we've done as a couple. Losing our son was the hardest thing either of us have encountered. And we have gotten stronger, more understanding of each other, more patient, and grown in all communication. This man has shown me more love and understanding than I ever could have asked for. I can only hope I do the same for him.
We want a baby. We know we will have our mini. And we are excited to start the next journey.
So for now, we will await our Molly Bear. We will snuggle our four dog children. And look forward to what life has in store for us.
I wanted to share my story because I've read so many wonderful posts about how fantastic your men are. And I wanted to give many kudos to the one I am walking through this life with. ❤️