Anyone relate? TTC since 8/2017

This month has already been hard on me and it’s not even a week into it. 😔

I’m supposed to move forward next month with our fertility plan, but I just feel sad. I can’t help thinking of how nice it’d be to have DD and her sibling to celebrate the holidays this year. If I had gotten pregnant when we began this journey (and went full term) our second child would’ve been born around the beginning of June 2018. We would have our fiesty little Kenlei and a 6 month old...

*sigh*

It doesn’t help that my dream of having 2 children 2 years apart is gone. I’ve always felt kind of lame for my dreams to revolve around having children but that is what I wanted for my life and not knowing... it’s crushing some days.

It’s just something people do not talk about and I, for the life of me, do not understand why. Why does no one tell you about how hard infertility can be? Why does no one warn you about the guilt of it being “your fault”? Why does no one speak of the sadness and emotional pain of yet another month gone and wasted? Why does no one talk about the anger you feel towards your own body for not doing what it was made to do? Why does no one mention the fear of never having that child you have quite literally dreamed of?

DD is one of my greatest joys and I think God for her daily. I never expected it to be like this with a second child.