Dear S

I think I miss you. I say think because it’s only when I see you that I feel the pang of ‘what the fuck happened to us’. When I’m just with other friends and I’m laughing so hard I’m crying, I feel okay. I don’t think of you. But it’s when I’m watching you across the aisle laughing like that with someone else that everything in my body aches. It’s only when I’m watching that new YouTube video and you never text me back about it. It’s when I’m the only trying to make effort. You seem happy. You have him. You have them. I don’t think you need me anymore, I don’t think you want me for that matter. However, the worst part is I’m not mad at you. I get it. We all move on and that’s okay but it’s just how did that happening to us. I thought we were impenetrable but I guess I was wrong. I’m happy you’re happy. Happy that your high school experience is magically fantastic while I feel like I’m drowning. Mud is overtaking every pore of my body and I don’t even know why and no one can see me suffering. I think you use to be able to see me but I’m not so sure. At least your happy. You’ve suffered too much for such a wonderfully fantastic person. I really hope you escape your house. I hope you find someone who will love you forever. I hope your happy because that’s all I’ll ever want from you. I just want you to be happy.

From R