I hate myself. I ruin everything I touch. I ruined Stephen. I hurt him. He doesn’t love me anymore and I understand. I got mad at him and threw a soda bottle at him. He said I’m toxic and I’m mean. We won’t last. I was never mean to him like this before. Im going to have a baby at any second now and I’m going to ruin her too. I’m scared, I’m scared I can’t save me from myself. I want to tell Stephen that I love him more then anything but he just thinks they are empty words now. I feel it’s too late. He doesn’t say it’s over but you can see that he gave up. I’m afraid that I might hurt myself after I have my baby. My brain is just telling me it’s the right thing to do when I know in my heart that I have to be stronger then this. How could I think about leaving everything behind. How could my family, friends not be enough. How can Stephen and our baby not be enough to make me want to stay alive. I pray our baby saves me. That when I see her that everything will change. I can feel the change when she kicks. When I place my hand over where she is pushing. I’m hopeful but I’m hurt.