This is crazy. I feel crazy. It feels unreal! And more. I’m 19 in college, my boyfriend is 18 at home, and I had unprotected sex. Yes, I know. It should have been protected, we knew there was risk but, i took the Morning after pill and my body Rejected it and failed. I know I’m stupid and “immature” for that and seem “irresponsible”. I had a feeling I was pregnant honestly. It was weird? Like I keep getting cramps that feels similar to period cramps, my boobs feel tender and swollen, I missed my period, little things were feeling awkward and out of place, and even certain smells were making me feel sick. And one day a few days ago I put my hand on my lower abdomen and thought to myself Like wow, I feel like I’m actually pregnant, even though I’m not even a month! But I jinxed myself. And took the first test and said it’s ganna come out NEGATIVE and it said PREGNANT. He panicked, I panicked and we settled down after a little and talked calmly. He rubbed my stomach and even spoke to it and said I’m sorry but I’m not ready for you, I wish I was but you need to wait a few more years. I was trying not to cry, it was really hard hearing him talk about the “WHAT IFS” And speaking about how were ganna feel guilty of getting rid of it. And I get anxiety thinking if I keep it, my stomach, the looks, the appearance, and my baby would be here in July. And I’m not ready for that AT ALL.

Part of me feels like this pill Failed me, I failed myself as a women getting pregnant so early, and I feel disgusted. I can’t look at myself, or see myself the same. I’ve told nobody but him, my best friend, and his best friend. I believe I’m only 1-2 weeks. And I’m 10 days late on my period. I don’t plan on telling anyone, and as much as I don’t want to think about it I don’t think I’m going to have this baby at all. I’m not ready. He is not ready, and coming from me having abusive parents, him not living with his parents for support, me alone in college with bipolar disorder, and taking therapy sessions twice a week, this would be no good for neither of us! I don’t want to get hated on for this because there is so much to this story.. there is so much I want to say. I have no one to speak to. No one to tell, no one to give me opinions, or anything in that sort. So I came here to rant and came here to say what was on my mind. I don’t want a congratulations. I don’t want a be happy, because I feel nothing, I feel ashamed. But if your willing to talk to me please do. I need all the help I can get honestly Especially around the New York Area. If you leave a comment I will contact you With MY contact I won’t be anon. But please do not expose or say anything. Thank you.