Long post ahead!!

I need to rant and I need to get my emotions out.

Well start with the background story. My mother and I havent always had the best relationship always arguing and fighting. When I lived at home I was either in my room with the door shut or gone. My mother was addicted to meth from the time I was a child to well into my teenage years which caused her to Neglect me when I needed her. Shed be out all night or up all night doing random things around the house and spend the days in bed shaking and sick. She would send me to school with pills to sell to bring her back the money so she could get her fix. While my mother was using she would emotionally verbally and physically abuse me and my father. Let's just say the cops visiting our house was a common factor. Flash forward to 2010 my mother decides to get clean which I was happy for and was hoping things would change.....well nothing changed.

3 years ago I moved out got married and I am now expecting our first child our son. And my mother still verbally abuses me weekly and I'm 27. When I moved out she called me daily and texted me all day through the day and would flip out if I didnt reply. Telling me I was a shitty kid and a piece of shit person because I was too busy. She would come over and go through MY HOUSE telling me i put my groceries away wrong or that my decor is ugly. She would go through MY BATHROOM and count my tampons and pads. Shed go through MY HUSBANDS closet and drawers and tell me hes unorganized and I'm a terrible wife for not fixing all of it the correct way (keep in mind this is when I worked 40+ hours a week) basically i stopped inviting her over after that.

Flash forward to july of this year I found out I was pregnant and the baby was in there and healthy (I've suffered 2 previous miscarriages) so I decided to surprise my mom with a box that had a onesie that said guess what with a sonogram picture. She was ecstatic but still being early in the pregnancy I asked her to not tell anyone at all not family nothing and that I would when I hit 12 weeks. Well she decided to ignore that and tell her family and a bunch more people who decided to keep the news going. Throughout my pregnancy she has had it in her mind that I was going to return to work full time and she would have my son and he would primarily live with her which I told her was not happening at all ever. I explained to her early on that I would be exclusively breastfeeding so my son would not stay over night until we stopped that and I was also not okay with the fact they smoke in the house and my mother sells pills out of her house as her income. I explained from the start I would become a stay at home mom after his birth until he was about 3 she criticized me for that saying i have to work and she will take care of him. My mother has always been very lenient with children when she watches them letting them have soda cupcakes junk food sugar and I'm not okay with any of that at all and her response to that is i cant control what happens at her house with my child. Well today she sent me pictures of some pretty expensive cribs and bedding and clothes saying shell be buying all of that for his room at her house. I politely reminded her that he would not be staying over night until he is over 1 possibly 2 because I want to breastfeed him to a certain point. And the verbal abuse started.....telling me I was a piece of shit kid and the world needs to know, that I am a bitch and cunt and she Hope's my son treats me like shit. Then she attacks my husband saying that hes forcing me to do things and stay home and hes the reason I dont have a relationship with my family. At this point I'd had it the name calling the hate the stress the emotions so I told her.....she is the reason I dont have a relationship with my family. She tells them im to good for them and wanna fight them and hate them all which is not true at all I am 27 married and pregnant I have my life together why would I act so immaturely. Everyone in my mothers family had children young and got on welfare to pay for it, I decided to wait to have children and actually worked and dont believe in living off the state since I can provide for myself and my husband can provide aswell (I'm not hating on anyone in that situation if you get pregnant young and are welfare that is fine and your choice and i support that 100% it just wasnt my choice) since i did different then my family i was subjected as the outcast. So after about an hour of my mother screaming at me and calling me names and wishing the worst things in the book on me she started to laugh and said " you may think your so much better then me but remember you look like me and my blood runs through your veins you are just like me and that will never change" through the tears from being so over emotional and beaten down I said "your wrong I'm nothing like you, I may look like you but I am nothing like you I am better then you because no matter what my child would ever do to me I would never put them down and talk to them the way you talk to me, I will never be like you and I never want to be" after that she hung up.

This is a reaccuring thing with my mother we fight and not talk she twists the story and tells everyone it's all me and all my fault then shell Apologize after weeks of not talking....then it repeats itself.

She has taken the joy of pregnancy out of it like she has done the majority of my life and I'm just exhausted.

But still a part of me cant help that I should just put up with it so my son has his grandmother but I'm afraid shell do the same to him. And I will do everything in my will power for my son to never feel the pain I felt growing up.....

I know this was all over the place but I had to get it out

If you read all the way to this point thank you

Bookmarks

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