Feeling confused (rape question)

Please don’t judge me.

So my husband and I separated. We decided we would still hook up from time to time. Last night he stayed the night. He wanted sex I told him no then went to sleep. He woke me up at 2:30am touching me. I told him to stop. He then covered my mouth and told me not to move. He covered his hand over my mouth and my nose and I was fighting with him but not full blown kicking and screaming. I was taken off guard. I was sleepy. By the time he was done I was just really waking up. He said I participated so therefore it was okay. I don’t remember how I participated though.. maybe cause I didn’t stop him? Idk how to feel right now. He left some marks on me and I showed him to show how rough he was being but he didn’t say anything. I’m so lost right now. Suggestions?

This is a pic of my breast 3hours or so afterwards.