First pregnancy with pcos having anxiety


All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom. I’m 22, I married my high school sweetheart in September. We’ve been together for 7 years. In January we had the talk of beginning to try. I have pcos so 8-9 months go by with no period, so no ovulation. I went to a doctor and she put me on letrozole. We did two cycles. In the second cycle I ovulated later. I was obsessed with the hopes of getting pregnant the first month. When I got my period it broke my heart. Come month two I’m much calmer, didn’t stress or obsess at all. Felt sort of indifferent. Come cd35 when I’m supposed to call my doctor I test and immediately two lines. I’ve got my first ultrasound the 19th. I can’t let myself be excited. I’m so nervous all the time and feel like this is too good to be true. I’m worried about the risk of miscarriage. I feel so guilty, my husband literally can’t contain himself he’s so over the moon happy and I want to share that with him. I’m just so anxious. I’m really praying that after the ultrasound we see everything is okay and I start to feel better. I don’t know how to let myself be happy because I’m afraid of getting excited and having it taken from me. I know that seems silly but all I can think of for why I feel this way is because if I’m not too excited I won’t be as hurt? When I know that’s not true. Has anyone else struggled with these issues? How did you ease your mind?